When they asked me if I would like photographs,
I said no.
Protective of my little one,
Holding his downy head
against my breast,
not wanting to let go
and not wanting to share.
Tears mixed with smiles.
Smiles because you were here for me to kiss
and hold.
And tears because soon your beautiful face
would be a memory I would hold inside me forever.
When they asked me if I would like photographs
I said no.
This morning, when I looked at the photographs
that I’d at first refused,
anxious to see again what you looked like
I was grateful I’d been persuaded.
This poem was written for Ella, who lost her beautiful baby boy, Edward. Ella’s midwife told her that later on she would be grateful to have photographs of Edward, and she has been proved to be right. The loss of a much loved and much wanted baby is an unimaginably hard thing to go through – and nothing can ease that. But photographs can help you in those moments when you suddenly find it difficult to picture what your child looked like. Of course, you haven’t really forgotten, your mind sometimes just plays tricks on you. So Ella, this is for you, and for your son. You are always remembered, Edward, never forgotten.
elsieshufflebottom 